26 Jan Why Visiting Your Neighborhood Park (with a Toddler), Removes Years From Your Life.

I wish there was some pre-checked sterile field I could just bring my child to, to romp around for a bit.

This field would be devoid of fire ants, bees, dog poo, glass or tall items for my child to crawl atop and plummet off of.  Scanned for used condoms (yes, a little girl playing with my son, once found one and “daddy, what’s this’d” it, to her dad). Heck, even sticks and wood chips sharpened to a shank stabbing point would need a once over for my comfort. Maybe replaced with nerf pellets.

Seemingly innocent looking grass. Don’t be fooled.

I’d say I’m a pretty hearty, adventurous gal, and I used to think I had a nature loving, outdoorsy spirit until I had my kid. Now, my life is…“No no nooo, that’s too much outdoorsy on your face, you’re gonna get it in your eye! Get that outdoorsy out of your mouth!” “Bees! No there’s too many bees in that patch of colorful outdoorsyness” “agh, watch out for that crater of outdoorsyness you’re about to step in!”

I’m so worried about keeping my kid alive that I don’t have the wherewithal to stop and smell the outdoorsy. I’m constantly scanning for danger in all perspectives.  That dog across the street doesn’t have a leash, that swing you’re on has a rusty link, ack there’s a spider on your shin! It’s just constant!  Sheeeeeeesh. Just gimme an indoor jungle gym with ebola in the ball pit for Petes sake.